A new home
by Aggebagge
Summary: After Mary died, Sam and Dean spent a lot of time at a relative's house while John were out hunting for the monster that killed Mary. This became a more or less permanent solution and they slowly forget about their parents. Will the brothers still somehow become hunters? Will they ever meet their dad again? Will John get his revenge?
1. Chapter 1

John Winchester's journal

November 15th 1983

Mary, I miss you so much and I don't know what I'll do now that you're not here with me. Dean cries himself to sleep every night. And right when he has fallen asleep he'll call out your name. Even though it's so clear at night that he misses you, he has a straight face when he comes to breakfast. Since that horrible night, Dean hasn't really left Sam's side. I promise you Mary, I'll find that thing that killed you.

December 13th 1983

To be honest, I'm surprised these kids are still alive. I'm not able to take care of them on my own; I need you Mary, now more than ever. Dean keeps asking where you are and what happened to you and I don't know what to tell him. Or what I should tell Sam when he gets older.

December 17th 1983

I went to Missouri Moseley, a psychic, today hoping she would tell me what killed Mary. She didn't know what it was, except that it was real evil. I haven't given up hope though, I will keep searching for this ting even if it's the last thing I'll ever do.

December 20th 1983

Today me and the boys left Lawrence and went to a relative, Annie. I was hoping that she'd take care of Dean and Sam while I was out hunting. I know you wouldn't agree with me, Mary, especially since you were so good with the kids. But I don't think I have another choice, and Annie can probably take care of them way better than I would anyways.

January 7th 1984

What was supposed to be a few days was two weeks, but I am getting closer to finding out what killed you. When I came back to Annie's house Dean was so happy, the happiest he'd been in months, and it seemed to make Annie happy as well. Dean gave me the longest hug and told me all about what he'd been doing the last few days.

January 24th 1984

We've been celebrating Dean all day at Annie's house. I came back yesterday from another hunting trip so that Dean would have at least one parent there on his birthday. Annie talked to me after we put the boys to bed, as I figured she would since the boys have been here for over a month. After a long discussion we agreed that maybe it'd be good if they stayed here until we can find something on our own. As soon as I've killed that thing we'll be back to living normal lives.


	2. Chapter 2

"Sam, how was your first day of school?" Annie asked as they all sat down for dinner.  
"It was really nice!" Sam said. "It wasn't at all how Dean describes it," he continued and eyed Dean who was already eating.  
"Well, I guess I'm glad you like it, Sammy," Dean said with food in his mouth.  
"My name's Sam," Sam corrected him. Annie told the brothers to stop fighting. She asked David, her husband, about his day.  
"Oh, it was the same as usual. But I am glad to be home," David answered.

The hardest part of any day for Annie was putting the boys to bed. Even though it has been over six years since John brought his sons to her, Dean was still having nightmares. Luckily, he fell asleep fast but Annie suspected that in a few hours she would be at his bedside again.

Three hours later, when she had been sleeping for thirty minutes, she heard Dean crying. When she came into Dean and Sam's room Dean was facing the wall and she could hear him sobbing.  
"Dean, come on," Annie whispered and gently patted his back. Dean got out of bed and followed Annie into the kitchen; he knew the routine too well. Annie handed him a glass of milk and sat down next to him at the table.  
"Thanks," he said after finishing his glass of milk. Annie smiled. "I hate that dream! Why do I have to dream about a burning house, when other people dream of cool things?"  
"I know, honey," Annie said. "Do you want to go back to bed now?"  
"Yeah," Dean said and put his glass on the counter. He hugged Annie and thought about how Annie was the perfect mother, even though she wasn't their real mother.

When Annie came back to bed, she saw that David was awake.  
"Sorry, I woke you up," she said as she laid down her head on the pillow.  
"That's okay," David answered and took her hand. "How was Dean?"  
"I'm so sorry for him; I cannot imagine what he has been going through these years. But he is really sweet and he and Sam get along so well," Annie said smiling. "Do you think we should get professional help?" she added. It was something she'd asked herself many times. David told her no, which she immediately understood. She couldn't exactly tell a psychiatrist that her "son" was having nightmares about his mother's death, but he doesn't know that it is his mother's death. That his father wasn't with his sons because he was out hunting monsters wasn't something you could tell a psychiatrist either. "We should get some sleep," Annie said and yawned.  
"Yes we should, especially you."

It took several hours before Dean was able to fall asleep again. All he could think about was his nightmare. He did not get it every night, but so often that whenever he was falling asleep he hoped he wouldn't dream anything. He was worried about Sam too and how he would be treated at school. It had always been just him and Sam; they never really had any other friends. Dean was now worried that if he got new friends at school, he would forget all about his older brother. Or worse, if he didn't get any friends and Dean wasn't going to be able to protect him from mean kids.


	3. Chapter 3

John Winchester's journal

Mars 15th 1990

The monster that killed Mary seems to be a demon, and other hunters agree with me. Knowing that it is a demon only makes it harder. How will I find the one that killed Mary? And most importantly, how do I kill it?

April 30th 1990

From what I could find there are some ways to hurt a demon, but I couldn't find anything that says how to kill them. There must exist something, because everything can be killed one way or another. One problem that still remains is that I don't know which demon killed Mary, nor how I'll find out who it is.

May 2nd 1990

Today it's Sam's birthday. He's seven years old now, and I haven't met him in over five years. It hurts so much that I cannot be with him today, especially because I know Mary would definitely have taken much better care of our sons, but there isn't much I can do about it. I have a few pictures that Annie has sent through the years, but I don't know much about him and if I saw him on the street I'm not sure I'd recognize him. He probably doesn't remember me, which is why I shouldn't visit him at Annie's house. It will only make the situation worse and he has family; he has Dean and he has Annie and David as well. I'll call Annie hoping that she'll know what's best for Sam right now.

July 28th 1990

With help from another hunter and several books I have finally been able to summon a demon in order to find out who killed Mary. He couldn't tell us anything we already knew so we sent him back to hell, where he belongs. But it all feels hopeful, someday I'll find a demon that knows something and then I can finally avenge Mary. And then I'll also be able to be back with my sons and we can be the family Mary and I dreamed of.


	4. Chapter 4

"Do you really think we should tell them?" Annie said. "They are still so young, Sam's only nine years old," Annie said and raised her voice. Dean put his ear closer to the door in order to hear what Annie and David were talking about, because it clearly was about Sam and him.  
"No, I don't think we should tell them," David argued. "Sam and Dean are happy here. With us they can live normal lives."  
"I know, but at the same time they have the right to know," Annie said. Dean could hear Annie and David walking towards the door he pressed his ear against so he quickly got out of there and walked to his room.

When Dean reached his bedroom he shared with Sam he found Sam lying on his back reading a book. Dean thought about telling Sam what he had just heard, but it could be something that they weren't supposed to hear and something that would only hurt them in the end.  
"Sam, if mom and dad were keeping something from us, would you like to know?" Dean asked. He knew that Annie and David weren't their real parents. They mom had died in a car accident when they were really young and their dad is traveling a lot for work so he cannot take care of them on his own. Dean calls them mom and dad mostly for Sam's sake, because he has always wanted to call them that. Anyways, they are like his parents so why shouldn't he call them that?  
"I think mom knows what's best for us and if she doesn't want to tell us then it's probably something that isn't my business," Sam said putting his book down. "Why?"  
"Nothing," Dean said and sat down on his bed. He had decided that he shouldn't tell Sam about it, at least not now. But he was really curious and would do almost anything to find out what it is.

When Annie called them down for dinner Dean knew that now was the time to confront them.  
"So, what were you talking about before?" Dean asked as he sat down.  
"Dean, that was a private conversation and you know that you shouldn't eavesdrop," David said eyeing Dean. "What did you hear?" he asked angrily.  
"Not much, which is why am I asking," Dean answered with a smirk on his face.  
"You'll know eventually, don't worry," Annie said. "And we won't talk about it anymore, right Dean?"  
"Yes, mom," Dean said. He knew that he'd lost and that it would be in vain to bring it up ever again. He hoped that they actually will find out what it is. Sam still looked confused, but he sure didn't seem as curious to find out as Dean.

After dinner, while she was doing the dishes, Annie wondered if Dean actually would drop it and that he wouldn't bring up the subject again. She felt really bad for Dean; she knew that it wasn't easy for him just like it wasn't easy for any of them. It had always been harder for Dean, ever since John dropped them off so many years ago, probably because he still remembered his mom and dad so well. Annie had not been exactly thrilled when John told her to say that their mom died in a car crash, but she knew that it was for the best.  
"When should we tell them?" David asked her after he made sure that Dean wasn't near enough to hear what they were saying.  
"I don't know," Annie whispered. "I think that it's best to talk to John about it. We should have had this talk with him a long time ago. This wasn't supposed to be a permanent solution."  
"I know," David whispered back. "But you know that I'll support you whatever you decide we do." Annie decided she'd call John tomorrow when they are at school. But she wasn't sure how John would be able to give her a good answer. She trusted John, in a way, bur how much did he really knew what it meant to be a father and what was best for the kids.


	5. Chapter 5

John Winchester's journal

August 30th 1993

I still don't know who the demon was that killed Mary. But, I have found out that it is a yellow-eyed demon. Apparently there are different kinds of demons. The black-eyed demons are the most common kind, and the most basic one (and the easiest to kill). To this point, I've only interrogated the black-eyed kind. The ones with yellow eyes are more powerful and harder to kill.

September 1st 1993

Nothing new about the demons. I've tried a few more interrogations, but it doesn't really work. The demons don't tell me anything, which makes me wonder if all of them even knows who did it. One thing's for sure, I won't give up. I have to keep going for Mary's sake and then we can be a family again.

September 5th 1993

Annie called me today. She told me that Dean had eavesdropped on her and David. Annie had been talking about if they should tell Sam and Dean about Mary and what had really happened. I told her that they shouldn't tell them, at least not yet. I promised Annie that I would come and visit them soon and talk to them. But I haven't decided what I'll tell them, if I really should tell them the truth. I told Annie that I will be there for Christmas and celebrate with them. For the first time in many years.


	6. Chapter 6

Annie came in to Dean and Sam's room to wake them up. Sam sat up in his bed, while Dean was still sleeping.

"Dean, wake up," Annie said and shook Dean gently. "I have really good news!" Dean opened in his eyes and asked what the news was.  
"Your dad is coming for Christmas," Annie said. She smiled widely and looked at the boys. Dean looked very happy and Sam was smiling but Annie knew that he was a bit sad as well. It had been over five years since John had visited them the last time, if not more. She understood why Sam wasn't that excited about this, John wasn't a dad for him and had never been. Dean had at least known him for four years and had really good memories of his dad and mom. To Dean John was someone to look up to. What he knew was that his dad was working very hard and was working abroad, which he had to and hadn't chosen. Even though it wasn't true Annie thought it was admirable that Dean still looked up to his dad.  
"Dress up, we'll talk more about this at breakfast," Annie said. She walked out of their room wishing that they would think about this a while before they discussed it.

Annie and David were sitting by the table when Sam and Dean walked into the kitchen.  
"So, how are you feeling about this?" David asked.  
"It's awesome! We finally get to see dad again," Dean said. "Isn't that right, Sammy?"  
"I guess," Sam said and smiled. "It would have been even more awesome if he would come every Christmas, or if he could work here," Sam continued. His smile disappeared just as quickly as it had shown up.  
"Maybe we should talk about something else," Annie said. And they did talk about something else the rest of the morning.

When they were finished with their breakfast Dean and Annie went into the living room. Sam stayed to help David with the dishes.  
"I know this must be hard for you," David said. "Especially with Dean being so happy and all."  
"In a way I'm happy, I really am," Sam said. "But it doesn't feel like he is my dad. If he wanted to be our dad, he should have shown it more. You are more like my dad than he has ever been."  
"He tries hard to be with you. It doesn't seem like it, but he really wants to be with you and Dean," David said. Hearing David's words had really helped Sam, so he decided to be kind to his dad when he came for Christmas.

It had been two weeks since Annie came into their room to tell them the good news and now it was Christmas day! Dean hasn't been more excited in a really long time. He had even gotten his dad a present, and he really hoped that his dad would like it. Sam had gotten happier with time and now shared some of Dean's excitement. When Dean heard a knock on the door he ran as quickly as he could to the door.  
"Hi dad!" he said and hug his dad.  
"Merry Christmas son," John said. "Where is Sam?"  
"In our room," Dean said and John stepped inside. John was dressed in a dark blue shirt and a pair of jeans. He hadn't exactly dressed up and he had nearly forgotten about the presents.  
"Hello Annie," he said and handed the flowers he'd brought with him. He greeted David that stood beside Annie by shaking his hand. Sam was standing behind Annie and David almost as if he was hiding.  
"Sam," Annie said and pushed him gently forward. "Give your dad a hug." Sam did hug his dad but he didn't say anything.  
"I have missed you Sam," John said.  
"I thought that we'd start with dinner," Annie said and motioned for everyone to sit down by the table. They all sat down and Annie came out with the food.

After dinner it was time for Dean and Sam's favorite thing about Christmas, the presents. John gave his sons one gift each and a gift for Annie and David. Dean handed over his present to John. Sam gave Annie and David a present that was from Sam and Dean. Annie and David gave their gifts to Sam, Dean and John. Dean quickly opened his gift from John; it was a book about legends and folklore from all around the world. He smiled widely and thanked John. Sam got a book from his dad as well, it was quite similar to the one Dean had got. All in all it was a very merry Christmas. The only thing that disappointed Dean was that John didn't stay very long. He left in the evening after hugging his sons and thanking Dean for the gift.

Later that evening, Dean and Sam were both reading their books that they had got earlier.  
"What do you think?" Dean asked Sam.  
"It's really interesting," Sam said. In the end, he was very happy that they got to meet their dad today. He hadn't forgiven his father yet, though.  
"Can you believe that people believe in this stuff?" Sam said. "Who believes that ghosts exists? Or vampires?"  
"I know, it's hilarious," Dean said. They both fell asleep that night with smiles on their faces and dreamed of things that could have been.


	7. Chapter 7

John Winchester's journal

January 25th 1996

It was Dean's birthday yesterday. I couldn't be with them, but I called him. And it has only been a month since I met him. In a way, I wish that I could be more with them. But it wouldn't be a good idea; he couldn't raise his sons to be hunters. This was something he did by himself to avenge his wife and their two sons deserved a good life.

February 10th 1996

After more interrogations with demons I have finally found out the demons name. His name is Azazel. I don't really have anything more than that. But I am close now to kill him, I know I am. After that I can be with Sam and Dean, and be the father I promised Mary I would be.

February 15th 1996

I don't really have a plan to kill Azazel yet, because I don't know what will kill him. But I know I must be close. After all this time I'm so close to an ending to this. Dean gave me a bracelet when I was there for Christmas and I have worn it ever since. It brings me hope and motivation to do whatever I can to kill the demon that killed Mary.


	8. Chapter 8

It was Tuesday and just like any other Tuesday afternoon Sam and Dean were in the convenience store shopping for groceries. It was a chore both of them didn't mind doing, and besides they had all the power to buy candy and other things.

Dean took a pie and put it in the cart.  
"Dean," Sam sighed. He took the pie out of the cart and handed it to Dean. "We don't need a pie. And mom's making one today anyways," Sam said. Dean took the pie and put it back.  
"Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?" Dean said. Even though, something like this happened almost all the time when Sam and Dean were doing the grocery shopping Sam was still surprised. They continued shopping and added a few more items in the cart.

They walked out of the store with three paper bags each trying to keep anything from falling out of the bag. Dean stopped and got Sam's attention.  
"Look, it's dad," Dean said and pointed at a man to their left.  
"Are you sure? I mean it was a long time since we saw him," Sam asked and continued walking. Sam had to admit that it did look like their dad. But he had grown a beard and looked older and more tired.  
"Yes, I'm sure," Dean said. "Besides, he has an impala. The odds that it isn't dad…" Dean opened the trunk of the car and put his paper bags in the trunk. Sam did the same. "Do you think we should go up to him?" Dean asked.  
"I don't know. Do you want to?" Sam asked. Dean nodded. Sam understood how much it meant to Dean to meet their father, even if it wasn't exactly Sam's favorite person. Sam started walking towards their dad and Dean followed him eagerly.

"Dad!" Dean exclaimed as they got close enough. John turned around and faced Dean. He looked really surprised to see them.  
"Dean," he said and hugged him. "And Sam," he said and hugged Sam too.  
"Why are you here? Are you heading to Annie?" Dean asked. John looked away for a second.  
"Well, I was thinking of making a visit. I was just about to call Annie actually," John answered. "Why don't you boys get home? I'll call Annie right away and maybe I can come by tonight or tomorrow."  
"Sure," Dean said. "It was great meeting you again!" Their dad smiled. Dean and Sam did as they were told and headed back home.

Dean drove out of the parking lot with a big smile on his face.  
"Dean, aren't you the least suspicious? He didn't even see happy to meet us," Sam said as he turned the music down. He knew that it would be hard for Dean to hear these things and Sam wasn't so sure he would take him seriously.  
"Of course he was happy, why wouldn't he be?" Dean said. The smile wasn't as wide anymore. He wasn't as sure as he made it sound, but he wanted Sam to like their dad. He was their dad after all.  
"Do you think he'll come home to us?" Sam asked.  
"Yes, he promised he'd call. Didn't he Sammy?" Dean said.  
"Yeah, I suppose. And stop calling me Sammy," Sam said. But he couldn't help but smile at Dean.

When they got into the kitchen with all of the groceries Dean immediately called out for Annie. Annie walked in and helped them pack up.  
"Has dad called you?" Dean asked.  
"John?" Annie asked. Dean nodded. "Yes, he called. It was just a few minutes ago." Annie told them that John had wanted to visit them. She had told John that she'd call back tomorrow and that maybe he could come to dinner then.  
"Why shouldn't he come?" Dean asked. The smile that had been so wide when they left the store had gotten smaller by the minute.  
"I just think we should talk about it together before we make a decision," Annie said. "I wanted to know if you two wanted him to come."  
"Okay," Dean said. Dean knew that it was no point to discuss it more right now. They had discussed things like this so many times, Dean had lost count. And he didn't want to make her feel bad, especially not over this.


	9. Chapter 9

John Winchester's journal

Mars 16th 1999

I decided to work a case in the town where Sam and Dean lives. But I don't think I'll visit them this time. It will probably just hurt them and I wouldn't be able to stay for a long time either. So I hope I won't run in to them.

Mars 18th 1999

I finished the case today. But I did run into the boys right before I was leaving town. I told them that I was there to meet them and that I would call Annie. Dean seemed happy to see me, but I don't know about Sam. I called Annie, just as I promised, and she'd give me an answer tomorrow. I guess I'll just have to stay at the motel for a few more days.

Mars 19th 1999

Annie called me today and invited me over for dinner. I'm happy, but at the same time I'm not sure how happy Sam and Dean are to see me. I just hope that I won't make anything worse.


	10. Chapter 10

When Annie told Sam and Dean that their dad was coming over for dinner later Dean lit up and Sam smiled as well, but Annie noticed that it wasn't completely genuine.  
"Dean, could you help David with something?" Annie asked. "He's outside."  
"Sure," Dean said and walked out the room.

"How do you feel about this Sam?" Annie asked.  
"I don't know really," Sam said. "He doesn't feel like my dad. He has not been here for us, so I don't know why Dean likes him so much."  
"I get what you mean, but I guess Dean still has a few memories of him. I think he is a nicer man than you might think and I know he loves you," Annie said.  
"I guess," he said and stood up. Annie stood up too and hugged him. Sam hugged her back. To Sam there was no doubt that Annie and David were his parents. As Annie and Sam let go Annie realized how tall Sam had got. When he first got there he was just a tiny baby, but now he was taller than her and just as tall as his big brother. Maybe he would be even taller than Dean one day.

They all heard the doorbell ring in the afternoon, but Annie was the one that opened the door.  
"Hi John! It's nice to see you," Annie said and hugged him. David stood next to Annie and shook John's hand.  
"It's nice to see you both," he said and smiled. Dean and Sam joined them and hugged their dad. Annie took John aside to talk with him while David, Sam and Dean started to prepare dinner.

"What is it?" John asked. "Was it wrong that I came here?"  
"No, of course not," Annie answered. "It's just that I think you should be honest with them. Otherwise you might lose them. Sam has a really hard time bonding with you."  
"You think I should tell them I'm a hunter?" he asked. Annie nodded. "But they don't even know ghosts and everything exists. And why should they? If Mary would have been here she would not have wanted our sons to find about things like this. It's why I brought them to you in the first place." They discussed this back and forth and eventually came up with a solution; they would tell them the truth or at least parts of the truth. It's what they both promised Dean several years ago.

When they were finished with dinner John took his sons to their room, so that he could talk to them.  
"What is it that you wanted to talk about?" Dean asked and sat down on his bed. John took a chair to sit on and Sam sat down on his bed.  
"Do you have your books? The ones I got you for Christmas?" John asked. They both nodded and Sam walked towards the bookshelf. "Do you remember these stories and legends?" They both nodded again. "Many of these legends are somewhat true," John said. "There are actually vampires and ghosts and things like that," he continued. Dean looked surprise and Sam looked really skeptical.  
"No, they aren't real," Sam said. "No one older than five believes in monsters."  
"It is real," John insisted. "And I haven't been away on business trips. I have been hunting these things."  
"What?" Dean said. He didn't know what to think. "Then why didn't you tell us?"  
"I didn't want you to be involved. That's why you haven't been able to live with me."  
"So you decided to lie to us?" Sam asked.  
"It's okay that you're angry with me. But could you just listen to what I have to say first," John said. "Your mom, Mary, was murdered by a supernatural creature." Annie walked in to the room along with David.  
"Is it true?" Sam asked and looked at David. David nodded. They continued to talk about it until late evening and John decided it was best to leave them.

David and Annie left them in their room alone and said goodnight.  
"I don't know what to think," Dean said. He held the book his dad had gotten him many years before. "I believe him, I don't see why he'd lie about this. But I don't get why he didn't tell us earlier."  
"Same," Sam said. "At least I'm happy we have Annie and David. Imagine if dad had tried to raise us on our own." Dean smiled. He knows that they probably got a better childhood with Annie and David than they would have with their dad. If only mom would have been alive, Dean thought.


	11. Chapter 11

John Winchester's journal

June 10th 1999

Dean called today. He told me that he wanted to come hunting with me. We have discussed it many times for the last few weeks. I guess I could need some help, and it would be nice to be more with Dean. Sam on the other side, isn't at all interested, so he won't come with us. I assume that is partly because of me, our relationship hasn't exactly improved.

June 15th 1999

Dean and I have gone away in order to practice his hunting skills. We'll be close to a forest, where no one can see us, and live at a motel. He seems so happy and excited. The things I'd do to get Mary to see him right now.

June 16th 1999

Dean's practice is going great. He is learning very fast. But he is still new at this, so I guess this will take a while.

June 30th 1999

It's great to see Dean so eager to learn new things, and it is going very well. I think Dean is ready for his first hunting trip.

July 8th 1999

We are on our way to a town where I think we have a case. Dean seems a bit nervous, since it is his first case, but just as excited. I think it's a ghost, so it's a pretty simple case.

July 18th 1999

It was a bit harder case than I thought, but we managed to solve it eventually. And Dean helped a lot.

August 10th 1999

I drove Dean home today. He seemed happy, but I don't think Annie is as happy. I said hello to Sam before I left again.


	12. Chapter 12

The day that Dean and John came back after two months of hunting, Annie and David decided to talk to John. Annie was okay with John hunting, she had always been, but she was not as okay with Dean becoming a hunter.  
"Do you really think this was a good idea?" David asked.  
"Yes, why shouldn't it be?" John said. "Can't you see how happy he is?"  
"Maybe it is because he got to spend time with his father," David argued.  
"No, it can't just be that," John said. "Can you talk with Dean about it first? And besides, he is an adult now. He should be able to do what he wants."  
"I see your point," Annie said. "We'll talk to Dean." Annie knew that Dean was old enough, but he was still living under her roof. She saw it as her responsibility to make sure that Dean and Sam were okay. John left and promised Annie that he wouldn't contact Dean before she had talked to him.

"So, how was it?" Sam asked Dean. They were in the living room and it had been an hour since Annie and David had gone to bed.  
"Great! Oh there is so much I have to tell you Sammy," Dean said. Sam had at first looked a bit angry, but as soon as Dean lit up Sam felt happy.  
"Like what?" Sam asked.  
"Like how to shoot a gun," Dean said. "I even worked a case with dad."  
"Tell me more about the case," Sam said. He was very intrigued and would happily find out what all this hunting was about. Maybe he would even feel a bit closer to dad, at least he hoped so.  
"Okay, dad found the case in the newspaper," Dean started. After thirty minutes and several questions from Sam, Dean had told Sam all about the case.

"Do you like it?" Sam asked. He was nervous to hear the answer, what if Dean became a hunter? And what if he left Sam behind?  
"Hunting?" Dean asked. Sam nodded. "Yeah, I mean I could do something important. Dad saves lives, he is a hero."  
"So you want to become a hunter?" Sam asked. Dean nodded after thinking about it for a minute.  
"How about you, Sammy? Maybe you could be a hunter too. Saving people, hunting things, the family business," Dean said. Sam laughed, even though he wasn't so sure Dean was joking.  
"I don't know Dean. How about something normal?" he said. "Like going to college and getting a job" Dean laughed. It didn't at all sound like something Dean wanted to do anymore, but he was glad it was something Sam wanted. Sam shouldn't be a hunter, he should be able to get a normal life.  
"Living the dream," Dean said with a smirk.  
"Jerk"  
"Bitch"


	13. Chapter 13

John Winchester's journal

October 16th 1999

I've thought a lot about what I talked about with Annie and David recently. But they really should let him make his own decisions, he has grown up. I don't know what is going on with Sam these days, though. I'm quite sure that he doesn't want anything to do with me, but at least it will keep him away from becoming a hunter. I wonder what the future has in store for them and I hope they make Mary proud.

October 25th 1999

Dean called today, he wants to go hunting again. I'll call him as soon as I find a case.

October 29th 1999

I picked up Dean on the way. I found a case in the newspaper. I think it has to do with ghouls, but I'm not sure.

November 2nd 1999

Today it has been sixteen years since Mary died. I told Dean about it and showed him a picture of her. He asked if he could keep it, and if he could show Sam, so I gave it to him. He said that he still has memories of her. It makes me happy that she still is remembered, but also sad that they didn't get to be the family he and Mary had wanted.

November 8th 1999

We've finished the case (it was ghouls), so I took Dean home. We talked about hunting in the car, and he told me that he wanted to go hunting again. I promised him that I'd call the next time I needed his help.


	14. Chapter 14

Dean went through the mail that was lying on the kitchen counter. There wasn't anything for him, but there was a letter addressed to Sam. He promised himself that he wouldn't read the whole thing; just enough so he'd find out what it was about. As soon as he opened the letter he saw that it said Stanford. Was Sam really applying for college? He knew that it was something that Sam wanted, but he couldn't understand why Sam hadn't told him.  
"What are you doing?" Sam asked. Dean turned around.  
"Nothing," Dean said and put the letter he held in his hand back on the counter.  
"What was that?" Sam said. He took the letter and eyed Dean. "Did you read my letters?" Dean shook his head.  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Dean said. His eyes were starting to tear up. "Don't you think I want to know things like this?"  
"No Dean. I'm not so sure you care anymore," Sam said. "All you care about these days is dad and hunting." Dean wiped away the tear on his cheek.  
"I care about you, I always have," he said. "Are you going to accept?"  
"I think so," Sam said. "I wish that I could've told you myself." Dean walked away. He was happy about Sam, he really was. But he didn't want them to drift away from each other, they had always been really close and he didn't want it to stop.

David had heard Sam and Dean talking. When he walked into the kitchen he found Sam by the kitchen table.  
"I'm sorry Dean didn't take it well," David said and sat down by the table.  
"Yeah, that's an understatement. I guess we're just walking down different paths," Sam said. "He's proud of you deep down. You know that, right?" David asked. Sam nodded. "And we are so proud of you." Sam smiled. David hoped that Sam would be able to be happy about this without Dean's full support. And he would definitely have a talk with Dean about this. In fact, it would be great if Dean also could get back in school instead of going hunting with John.

Dean hadn't exactly been thrilled when he heard that Sam had been accepted without telling him about it. He would forgive Sam, of course he would, but this thing wasn't going to bring them any closer. Dean had also thought about going back to school, even if it would just be at the community college. He didn't have as good grades as Sam, so he would never to be able to study at a "good" university like Sam. Besides, what would he study at university? He wasn't smart and he wasn't interested in a specific topic.

Sam walked into their room and interrupted Dean's thought.  
"I'm happy for you Sammy, I really am. I hope you understand that," Dean said looking at Sam. Sam smiled.  
"I know," he said.  
"Now, enough with the chick flick moments," Dean said and smirked.


	15. Chapter 15

John Winchester's journal

September 7th 2002

Sam is at Stanford now. I am proud of him, and I am sure that Mary is just as proud. It was a dream of Mary's, since she didn't go herself. Dean isn't as happy, though. Dean and Sam aren't as close anymore, it hasn't been the same for a year or two now. Ever since Dean really became a "full time hunter". Once Dean and I kill Azazel we can get back to where we were before. Maybe Dean can go back to school too, if that is what he wants.

October 3rd 2002

Dean and I are heading to a small town in Indiana. There seems to be something supernatural about it, maybe even demons. And Dean is definitely ready to work bigger cases; it's also good practice if we're going to be able to take down Azazel.

October 7th 2002

Turns out it was demons. But they weren't very smart, which made it easy for us. Dean wanted to know more about demons, and especially Azazel. I told him everything I knew. He knows Azazel killed Mary, he has known for a while. Sam doesn't know yet, I don't even know if I'll ever tell him.

October 15th 2002

Dean and I have been looking for cases ever since we finished the last one in Indiana. There hasn't been a lot to find so I lent a few notes to Dean about different creatures I have hunted. It's time he learned about more creatures and weapons if he's going to be a real hunter. While Dean has been busy with reading I have been talking with Annie on the phone. She's worried about Sam, he isn't doing well in school. So, Annie is partly blaming me. Because if I hadn't taking Dean with me Dean and Sam wouldn't be so apart. On some level, I can agree with her. But she isn't seeing the bigger picture. Sam was living a normal life and Dean was saving lives. They were both doing the right thing.


	16. Chapter 16

To Dean there isn't anything better than to be a hunter, to be able to save people's lives and make a difference. He is finally close to his dad. The only real downside is that he has kind of lost contact with Sam. But Sam is happy at Stanford, which is everything that really matters. When Sam first left home to study, they called each other almost every day and still felt very close. But things have changed since then. Now, when Dean calls Sam doesn't always answer and if he does they don't have a lot to talk about.

Today was one of the days when Dean wanted to talk to his brother, just like they used to do in their bedroom when they were younger. Dean dialed Sam's number.  
"Dean?" Sam answered.  
"Sam! It's been a while," Dean said. "What's up?"  
"The usual. Studying and stuff," Sam said. "Are you okay Dean?"  
"Of course," Dean answered. He didn't understand why Sam sounded so concerned.  
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Sam asked. He sounded impatient.  
"Oh, nothing really," Dean said. "Talk to you later!" he added before he hung up. It sounded like his brother hadn't any time for him. But it was also a sign that everything was alright with Sam.

John walked into the motel room he shared with Dean.  
"Are you coming?" John asked.  
"Yes," Dean answered and followed his dad out of the door. They were going to a diner to eat dinner. Dean had gotten used to driving the impala and eating cheeseburgers every day. And being able to save some people and kill monsters along the way made everything even better.

"What do you think we're hunting?" Dean asked. Dean sat with his laptop on the bed searching for any information that could help them with the case.  
"I'm not sure yet," his dad answered. He was reading the newspaper once more, looking for any details that they had missed.

Dean woke up to his phone ringing. It said Sam, so he answered right away.  
"Sam, everything okay?" Dean said and sat up in his bed. Since Sam basically had stopped calling him Dean was worried that something had happened.  
"Not really," Sam answered.  
"What is it?" he asked. Dean had told himself that Sam was happy at Stanford; it was what he had to tell himself to be able to leave his little brother. "Please tell me"  
"I'm just not doing so well that I had hoped," Sam said. "And I'm feeling that I'm letting mom and dad and you down." Dean felt heartbroken, he couldn't understand why hadn't he called more or asked Sam how he was doing.  
"You're not disappointing me. How could you?" Dean said.

"So, what are you going to do?" They were both silent for a while. Sam had no idea how he was going to solve this or what he was going to do. And Dean didn't know what to do.  
"I don't know," Sam said. "I'm afraid I'm going to lose my scholarship."  
"I'll come to you," Dean said. "I'm gonna have to take the bus though so it make take a while."  
"Really, Dean you don't have to," Sam said. "I shouldn't have…"  
"Stop it," Dean interrupted. "I'll see you soon, okay?"  
"Okay," Sam said. Dean hung up.

Dean looked at the other bed in the motel room, his dad's bed. John was still sleeping so Dean packed a few things in a bag and got dressed. When he was ready to leave he wrote a note for his dad. He knew his dad wouldn't be too happy to read that Dean had left in the middle of the night. He was happy that it was in the middle of the night though, because he wouldn't have been able to tell his dad in person the things he wrote down on the note. Even though, John was their biological dad and all that, he would not understand how important Sam was to him.

Dean looked at his dad for a moment before he walked out of the door. He didn't know if there were any buses that would take him to Sam at this hour, but somehow he would get there. And he had the impala, but that wouldn't exactly make his dad happier the next morning. After walking for half an hour to the closest bus station he was able to buy a ticket.

Two hours later he was sitting at a bus on his way to Stanford and Sam.  
"Sam, I'm on my way. I'll be there in three or four hours," Dean said when he reached Sam's voicemail.

Dean wasn't too sure how John would react, in to be honest he was a bit scared. He had never done anything that his dad hadn't approved of and he sure hoped that it would be the last time. But Sam was more important, he would always go first.

After about four hours he was at Stanford and Dean couldn't have been happier. It had been a while since he last saw his little brother. He took up his phone and called Sam.  
"Sammy?" Dean said when Sam finally answered.  
"Yeah," Sam answered.  
"I'm here now," Dean said. "You have to come and meet me. Because this is like a freaking maze and it's freezing." Sam laughed.  
"I'll be right there," Sam said and hung up.

Seeing Sam smile as he walked up to Dean confirmed that Dean had made the right choice.  
"Finally," Dean said and hugged Sam.  
"My roommate is not here this weekend," Sam said. "So that shouldn't be a problem." Dean smiled.  
"That could've been awkward," he said and chuckled.  
"What did dad say when you left?" Sam asked.  
"I didn't exactly tell him," Dean answered. "I'm not sure I could have told him. Hunting is everything that matters to him. And normally I would agree."

When they got to Sam's room it was messier than Dean had thought. When they shared a room it had never been as messy, I guess Annie wouldn't have allowed them anyway. But he sure as hell wasn't coming here to complain about Sam's cleaning, besides it would be just fine for the two of them.  
"What's the problem?" Dean asked as he put down his bad in the corner.  
"It's complicated. But it is more difficult than I thought and I haven't really made any friends," Sam said. "I know it sounds stupid."  
"It doesn't," Dean argued. "And we both know that I would never be able to do what you do."

They talked and talked all night and half the day. They talked about university and hunting. They realized how different their lives had become and that it was like they were living in different worlds.

"Hold on," Dean said interrupting Sam. "It's dad." He answered his phone, afraid of what his dad would say.


	17. Chapter 17

John Winchester's journal

October 27th 2002

Dean left the room in the middle of the night, I found a note he had left me. He went to Stanford to meet Sam. He said that he was sorry and that he'd call the next day. I don't understand why he had left in the middle of the case. People are dying here, that has to be more important than Sam's issues at school. When I called Dean, I couldn't wait for him calling me, he assured me that he was going back here tomorrow.

October 28th 2002

Dean came back, as he promised, today. We solved the case, but if it hadn't been for Dean's little adventure we would have solved it yesterday. Dean wanted to go back in a few days and wanted me to come with him, but I don't think that will help. Sam has to learn to solve his problem on his own.

November 2nd 2002

I have been living without Mary for nineteen years now, it still seems unreal to me. I can't believe it has been so long since I last saw her beautiful smile. To think that our boys have grown up by now is crazy. They have grown up without me or Mary and we haven't been the family I dreamed of. And now, it may be too late. I promised Dean that we'd visit Sam today, I think Mary would have liked that.

November 3rd 2002

We got back from Sam today, and I am now sure I made the right call. I'm a little bit closer to Sam and we are also getting a little bit closer to being a family.

November 4th 2002

Dean and I are back hunting, in some way at least. Dean wanted to know more about Azazel and his mother's death, so I told him everything I know. We still don't know how to kill Azazel so that's what we're trying to find out.

January 7th 2003

The colt! Azazel should be able to be killed with the colt. If we have the colt, we can kill that demon. Next step is to find it, which is easier said than done.


	18. Chapter 18

Dean would be lying if he said that the last few months had been intense and stressful, looking for the colt was everything he was doing these days and it was a lot of stress. Unfortunately, Dean and his dad hadn't had any luck yet. The colt was a lot harder to find than it had seemed at first.

The last months hadn't all been spent looking for the colt. He had been visiting Sam at school two more times, even though his dad was just as skeptical every time. As long as Sam was happy that he came he didn't really care what his dad thought. But now it had been three months since he last visited and they had only called each other once.

When his dad borrowed him the impala and told him to take a few days off and visit his brother, Dean didn't believe it. He didn't ask if he had heard him correctly afraid that he'd change his mind. Dean took the car keys and called his brother.

Two hours later he parked the impala and got out to meet Sam. It wasn't just Sam that was standing at the parking lot, next to him was a blonde girl with a big smile.  
"Hey Sammy," Dean said and hugged his little brother. "And who's this?"  
"Dean, this is Jess," Sam said.  
"Nice to meet you," Dean said and shook Jess' hand.  
"Nice to meet you too," she said. "Sam's told me so much about you." They walked up to the apartment. Sam told Dean that he had moved out of the dorm when Jess and he had been dating for a few weeks.

When they reached the apartment it didn't take long to notice that it wasn't just Sam's apartment, Jess was obviously living here too.  
"Do you mind sleeping on the couch?" Jess said and pointed at the sofa in the living room. It was small, but it would do. After all he had slept in motel beds more uncomfortable, and it was only for one night.

Jessica left the two brothers alone for a few hours when she left the apartment to grab a cup of coffee with a friend.  
"So, you seem to be doing just fine," Dean said and smiled. "A beautiful girlfriend, an apartment."  
"Yeah, things are finally working out for me," Sam said and smiled at his brother. "And everything is fine at school. Annie won't believe me though, she still worries."  
"I'll talk to her," Dean said. It was probably time that she called to her anyways, they hadn't really talked since John had entered their lives.

Staying with Sam and Jess had taught Dean a few things. For starters, Sam managed just fine without him. He also learned that Sam truly was happy and that Jess was part of that. To be honest, he had worried just as much as Annie had.

Leaving Sam the next day had never been easier. He knew that Sam would be fine and would be able to go through his education, and most important of all he wouldn't be a hunter. Dean drove the impala back to the motel and his dad with a big smile. He hoped that his dad would have some good news about the colt, that would make everything even better.


	19. Chapter 19

John Winchester's journal

July 15th 2003

No news about the colt yet. We've had a few leads but it didn't really help us. Now that Sam is okay again, Dean is more focused on finding the colt and hasn't been visiting Sam as often.

August 1st 2003

Finally! We've found something about the colt. It seems like it's a woman called Bela Talbot that has it. That's what the rumor is saying anyways. I'm not too sure we can trust the source, but it's our only lead in weeks.

August 5th 2003

Dean and I have been looking everywhere, Bela is nowhere to be found. I don't know where else to look. Dean suggested that we ask other hunters if they know who she is and how we can find her. I ask hunters as rarely as possible, it's better to hunt alone. I told Dean that he can contact hunters if he wants to, but to know that the information he brings back to me is correct. Not too sure he will get the results he's hoping for, though.

August 20th 2003

Dean has found a hunter that knows something about Bela Talbot. I didn't know the hunter so I'm not sure we can trust him. Tomorrow morning we're heading to Virginia where this hunter lives.

August 21st 2003

We're in Virginia, still, and we have talked to the hunter. He said that he thinks she is in New York, but that she moves around a lot and never stays long in the same place. Later today, we are going to New York. There's another hunter in New York that we can talk to, a friend of the hunter we talked to yesterday.

September 3rd 2003

Bela is nowhere to be found. It feels like we've searched the entire city, so she must have moved to the next city already. Or if the hunters we have talked to has lied to us the whole time and she never was in New York.

September 10th 2003

We found Bela, in Boston. We found a hunter in New York that helped us find her. Bela didn't exactly want the colt, she just wanted the money for it. So we now have the Colt! We are so close to killing Azazel now, I can feel it.


	20. Chapter 20

Sam had been on the phone with Dean for a long time, and Sam had to admit that it felt good. It felt like years ago when Sam and his brother had shared a bedroom and had talked for hours. When he glanced at his watched he realized that he had to hung up, Jessica was waiting for him.  
"Dean, sorry but I have to go," Sam said. "Talk to you later"  
"Yeah, bye," Dean said and hung up. Sam who had stood outside in the warm fall evening walked inside.

"Jess," he called as he took off his jacket. He heard the water turn off so he walked towards the bedroom. Jessica had always been right on time, never late or early, so he wasn't worried that they were going to miss their dinner reservation. He sat down on the bed and wondered why Jess hadn't walked out the bathroom yet. "Are you alright?" he asked and knocked gently on the door. Jessica didn't answer so he knocked harder this time. "Jess?" he shouted. Still no answer. He could feel his heart pounding faster.

Sam made himself ready to knock down the door as he heard a sound, a sound that he couldn't quite put his finger on. The room started to feel warmer and a few seconds later it got lighter. He looked up at the ceiling, where the light came from, and he saw her. His beautiful Jessica was up in the ceiling and he couldn't understand what happened.  
"Jess!" he shouted, even though he knew she couldn't hear him.

Sam ran out of the apartment with tears in his eyes. Everything he could think about was Jess and her pretty white dress with flowers. Jess had shown him the dress that she had bought for their date earlier that day. Sam didn't know what to do, except call for Dean.

Sam fell to the ground leaning at the door of the apartment he had shared with Jess.  
"Sammy, what is it?" Dean asked.  
"Jess," Sam stuttered. "She's dead." Dean gasped.  
"Oh, I'm so sorry," Dean said and quieted. "I'll be right there," he said after a minute or two. Sam didn't know what to do, except to thank Dean. He thought for just a second that he should come to Dean instead, he didn't want to stay where Jess had died, but he didn't want to leave her either.  
"I'm just an hour away Sammy," Dean said and hung up. Sam clasped the phone and waited for his big brother to make everything better like he always did.

An hour later, just as Dean has promised, Sam saw Dean walking up the stairs to where Sam was sitting. Dean didn't say anything as he sat down next to Sam. Sam wiped away his tears.  
"Should we go inside?" Dean asked and stood up. Sam nodded. When Sam stepped away from where he had been sitting Dean slowly opened the door.

Sam saw Jess on the bed, except it wasn't her anymore. It looked as if though she had fallen down from the ceiling. Sam sat down by her on the bed and closed her eyes. He was sure that he had seen her burning, but there weren't any marks on her body or the apartment witnessing that it had happened.

"Sammy, I'm so sorry," Dean said. He had already told Sam that several times today, but he didn't know what else to do. He wondered if he should tell him about their mom. From what he had heard from their dad this was how Mary had died. "I know that this isn't what you want to hear right now, but I think it is important that you know."  
"What? Please tell me," Sam said and took Jess' hand.  
"Did she burn?" Dean asked. Sam nodded.  
"That's how mom died," Dean said. He told his brother what their dad had told him. "And the demon who did this, that's who dad's hunting," he said and finished his story.

"I'll help you," Sam said after hearing Dean telling him about all the details of their mom's, and Jess', murder. "I'll become a hunter like you and dad."

Hearing Sam's words Dean felt panic at first, he had never wanted Sam to become a hunter. And he was at Stanford, he still has a chance at a normal life. Nevertheless, he could understand Sam. Family comes first.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Dean asked looking at Sam.  
"I don't know," Sam said. "I want to wait here for the funeral," he added still holding Jess' hand that still hadn't gone cold.  
"I'll wait here with you," Dean said. Sam shook his head.  
"You should go find dad," Sam said. "Find the monster that did this." Dean decided to go back to their dad, that was what Sam wanted after all. He was sure that Sam could handle it, he would just have to check in on Sam more often now.

Dean hugged his little brother and told him that everything was going to be fine. Before he headed out the door he made Sam promise to call him at least once a day and not do anything stupid. Dean walked to the impala with his phone in his hand, ready to call his dad.

"Dad," Dean said as soon as John answered. "Jess is dead. She died just like mom." John was quiet.  
"It has to be the same demon?" his dad asked. "Right?"  
"I have no idea," Dean answered. He didn't know why a demon would do this to Jess. "I'll meet you in an hour," he said and hung up.


	21. Chapter 21

John Winchester's journal

December 14th 2003

Sam has been with me and Dean for a while now and he's learning fast. It feels good to be a family again after all these years and that we together can kill the monster that destroyed our family. Sam is just as determined as Dean and I to kill Azazel.

December 30th 2003

The three of us finished a case today. It was Sam's first case, and it went well. Dean and Sam our working so well together, it's like they have done this all their life.

January 5th 2004

Dean and I have arrived in Detroit, where five women have been killed by what seems to be a vampire. Sam's back at the motel researching the colt.

January 10th 2004

We're back at the motel with Sam, it was two vampires. Sam didn't have any news on the Colt. Sam told us that David had called and asked Sam to come home, but he had told David that he would be staying with me and Dean.


	22. Chapter 22

John Winchester's journal

March 1st 2004

Annie called this morning. I just heard screaming, so we headed there as soon as we could. Annie couldn't exactly remember what happened earlier, just that there were people there with black eyes. Annie was okay when we got there but David had been severely injured. This hadn't happened if I hadn't left Dean and Sam with them, it's all my fault.

March 2nd 2004

We visited David today, he was unconscious and the doctors don't know when he'll wake up. Dean and Sam are very upset. We all are.

March 3rd 2004

The boys wanted to stay with Annie, they didn't want to leave her alone. So, they stayed with her and I went back to hunting. I found a new case this morning in the newspaper, it seems like an easy case of ghouls. When I finish the case I'm heading straight back to Sam and Dean, so we can hunt down this demon once and for all.

March 7th 2004

I'm back with Sam and Dean, and Annie. Dean called me yesterday and said that David was awake and alright given the circumstances. We're staying a few days more until everything has settled.

March 10th 2004

I keep thinking of why he attacked Annie and David. Even though, Annie had said that it was people with black eyes and she never mentioned any yellow eyes, I'm sure that the yellow eyed demon is behind this. It still doesn't make sense. Or was it just another strike at my family?

March 11th 2004

We left Annie and David this morning. No news on Azazel, but we have not given up yet.


	23. Chapter 23

John Winchester's journal

March 1st 2004

Annie called this morning. I just heard screaming, so we headed there as soon as we could. Annie couldn't exactly remember what happened earlier, just that there were people there with black eyes. Annie was okay when we got there but David had been severely injured. This hadn't happened if I hadn't left Dean and Sam with them, it's all my fault.

March 2nd 2004

We visited David today, he was unconscious and the doctors don't know when he'll wake up. Dean and Sam are very upset. We all are.

March 3rd 2004

The boys wanted to stay with Annie, they didn't want to leave her alone. So, they stayed with her and I went back to hunting. I found a new case this morning in the newspaper, it seems like an easy case of ghouls. When I finish the case I'm heading straight back to Sam and Dean, so we can hunt down this demon once and for all.

March 7th 2004

I'm back with Sam and Dean, and Annie. Dean called me yesterday and said that David was awake and alright given the circumstances. We're staying a few days more until everything has settled.

March 10th 2004

I keep thinking of why he attacked Annie and David. Even though, Annie had said that it was people with black eyes and she never mentioned any yellow eyes, I'm sure that the yellow eyed demon is behind this. It still doesn't make sense. Or was it just another strike at my family?

March 11th 2004

We left Annie and David this morning. No news on Azazel, but we have not given up yet.


	24. Chapter 24

Dean woke up in a motel room, but it wasn't the one he fell asleep in. And Sam and his dad was nowhere to be found.

"Sam," Dean said as soon as he heard Sam's voice on the other end. "I don't know where I am. The djinn attacked me."  
"The djinn?" Sam asked.  
"The djinn," Dean repeated.  
"Dean, just go to bed okay," Sam said. "I have a test tomorrow," he added before he hung up. What did Sam mean by that? What test?

Minutes later his dad walks in.  
"Dean, I found a case," his dad said. "Are you ready to go?" Dean nodded. Then he thought of what Sam had said.  
"What about Sam?" he asked.  
"What about him?" John asked. "He's at Stanford." Hearing those words made him so happy, because it meant that Sam was safe and happy at Stanford. His dad didn't seem as happy though.

When they sat down in the impala Dean asked his dad about the case.  
"It's a case similar to that one in Kentucky five years ago," John said. Dean looked at his dad puzzled.  
"What case?" Dean asked. "I wasn't even a hunter back then." His dad laughed.  
"What are you talking about?" John asked. They continued to argue, but his dad insisted that he and Sam had been with him ever since their mother died.

John offered Dean his journal to see all the cases they had been working on. As Dean thumbed through all the entries, that went all the way back to when he was five, he kept thinking of all the people he and his family had saved. In the journal there were a few photos of their little family.

When they finished the case and were back at the motel Sam called him.  
"Hello Sammy," Dean said as he picked up the phone.  
"Hi Dean," he said. "What was that thing you were talking about last night?"  
"Oh, nothing," Dean said. "How are things at Stanford?"  
"Fine," Sam said. "How are you?"  
"Great," Dean said. "Dad and I just finished a case. It was just like that one in Kentucky five years ago." He said this to check if Sam remembered. When Dean told Sam about the details, Sam did remember. And he told him a bit more about the hunter life.

"I just can't imagine why you're staying with dad," Sam said. "What kind of childhood did we have?"  
"A happy one," Dean argued. "We got to be hunters and save people. That's like every kid's dream, to be a hero."  
"I wouldn't call our childhood happy," Sam said. "Sure, there were moments when we were happy. But there was also times when it was just me and you in a motel room waiting for dad to come home." Dean hadn't thought of it that way, and it sure wasn't what it seemed like from John's journal or the photos.  
"Dean, I have to go," Sam said. Dean heard someone talking in the background.  
"Sure, you've got someone waiting for you?"  
"It's just Jess," Sam said. "Talk to you later." Dean said good bye and hung up. Hearing that Jess was alive and with Sam, just made it really seem like the djinn grants wishes. They were all a big family that had done so much good in the world.

When he had finished his call with Sam, Dean went back inside.  
"Dad," Dean said. "I think the djinn attacked me." It hurt Dean to say this, because he didn't want to leave his perfect world behind  
"Okay," his dad said. "Then we have to find a silver knife and lamb blood."

They reached Illinois in less than two hours. When they got inside Dean saw bodies with their hands tied, and they looked happy. As Dean held the knife he saw Sam walking towards him.  
"Just think about this," Sam said. "We can be a family and save people's lives."  
"Yeah, Dean," Jess said. She had appeared from nowhere and was now standing next to Sam with his arms around her. "Think about how happy I can make Sam, how we'll all be a big family."  
"A family that saves so many lives," his dad said.  
"I can't stay," Dean said as his eyes began to tear up. "This isn't real," he said and stabbed himself with a knife.

He opened his eyes and found Sam and John by his side. His dad cut of the rope that tied his hands together like all the other people in this building. Sam helped Dean to his feet as John walked off to kill the djinn.

As they were back in the car Sam asked him what he saw.  
"You were so happy," Dean said. "You were at Stanford and Jess was with you. And dad raised us by himself and we grew up as hunters. We saved so many lives." Sam and John were speechless and Sam got sad as he was reminded of Jess.  
"What kind of parent raises their kids to become hunters?" John said. "The best thing I ever did was to make sure you boys had a safe childhood."

Dean could definitely see his dad's point, Annie and David had made their childhood safe and happy. But he couldn't help think about how different his life could have been.


	25. Chapter 25

John Winchester's journal

May 17th 2004

We are ready to take down Azazel any day now. And I know my boys will be great. Then we get to be a family, finally. I just wish that Mary was with us.

May 20th 2004

While we're waiting for Azazel to show up, as we know he will, we are working a case. It's simple and it gives us something to do. Sam left, but promised he would be back soon.


	26. Chapter 26

Sam was on the bus on his way to Jess. He wanted to visit her, even though it wouldn't be like it used to. He hadn't been to her grave yet, and that was something he wanted to do especially since he didn't knew if he would be able to again. Both Dean and their dad was certain that they would be able to kill Azazel, but Sam wasn't so sure and if it was something he wanted to do it was to visit Jess.

"Jess," Sam said and put down the roses on her grave. "I miss you so much and I don't know what to do without you." It was the first time in what seemed like a long time that he had let himself think of Jess.  
"What am I supposed to do without you?" he said and sat down on the grass. He laughed as he thought of what Jess' had told him the week she had died when he had asked the same thing ("Crash and burn").  
"Dean and dad are working this case…" Sam started and told her all about the case.

"You know I've been working with them," Sam explained. "And it's starting to feel like we're a family. Even though I miss Annie and David." Sam had told Jess all about his family. And especially his big brother, how he looked up to him and how ever since he started hanging out with their dad he was afraid that he'd lose his brother.

"The week you died," he said and a tear fell down his cheek. "I had looked at engagement rings.I wanted us to be married and someday even have kids." It felt so strange to tell her like this, but he hoped that she somehow heard him.  
"But we'll kill that monster that took you from me," Sam said. "I promise, Jess."

Sam smiled, but with tears streaming down his face, as he walked away from her grave. He wiped away the tears and walked toward the bus station. He knew he had to hurry back as Dean and John needed all the help they could get.

When Sam walked off the bus and walked the extra hundred meters to the motel. When he walked past the gas station he saw a blonde woman that looked very familiar.  
"Jess," he called out. He hurried towards the girl.  
"Jess?" Sam said and touched her shoulder. The woman turned around, annoyed, and he could see that it wasn't Jessica. She didn't even look like Jess, now that she turned around.  
"I'm sorry," Sam said. "I thought you were someone else," he continued and walked past her.

Sam opened the door to the motel room and could hear his dad's and brother's voices inside.  
"Sammy," Dean said and hugged him. "Where were you?" Sam hadn't told them where he was going but now he felt ready.  
"I visited Jess," Sam said. Dean nodded and smiled slightly.  
"It'll be okay," Dean said. And Sam knew that it would be someday. There would be a day when he didn't see Jess in the streets or dream about her. Maybe he would even meet someone else. But nothing of that could happen before Azazel had stopped breathing.


	27. Chapter 27

John Winchester's journal

August 13th 2004

Azazel is dead, finally! We're in the hospital now, because Dean isn't doing so well. He's still unconscious and has been for a few hours. They're running some tests. But it doesn't look too good.

August 14th 2004

I've been thinking a lot about something Azazel said before we killed him. He said that he had big plans for Sam, and he mentioned something about demon blood and a big army. I still don't know what that was about, and Sam doesn't know either. And know we'll probably never know.

The doctor said that Dean is in a coma, and they don't know when or if he'll wake up. I wish it would've been me, and not my boy. Just looking at Sam and how much it hurts him to see Dean like this is unbearable.

August 20th 2004

Sam and I had to leave the hospital, so we're staying at a motel nearby. But we visit Dean every day. There's no good news though, he isn't getting better.

September 17th 2004

Dean has been in a coma for more than a month now. The doctor told us that it isn't likely that Dean will ever wake up. Sam and I haven't given up yet.

September 21st 2004

Was it worth it? It was all for Mary, and to be a family again, but now with Dean barely alive I can't tell if it was worth it.


	28. Chapter 28

Sam was standing at his brother's bedside, wondering if he'd ever be able to talk with him again.

"Dean please," he pleaded and pressed Dean's hand. "Just open your eyes." But Dean didn't open his eyes, just like he hadn't done in over two months.

A nurse walked in smiling at Sam.  
"Hi, I'm just here to check on your brother," she said. "Where's your dad?" she asked as she looked at Dean's medical records. The nurses and doctors working here were pretty used to Sam and his father by now.  
"He's resting at home," Sam said, without adding that their home was a motel room. "But he'll be here before dinner." The nurse walked out of the room again and left the two brothers alone.

Annie and David had visited a couple times, especially in the beginning, but now it was mostly just Sam and John. Just as Sam had thought of his "parents", he wasn't really sure what to call them these days, his phone buzzed and he saw Annie's name on the screen.  
"Hi," Sam said.  
"Hello Sam," Annie said. "How are you?"  
"Fine, I'm outside the hospital right now," he answered. "Dean hasn't changed. And they're asking how much longer they should keep him alive."  
"Oh, honey I'm so sorry," she said. "Things like that shouldn't be rushed. We'll decide when we're ready," she continued and by now Sam could hear her sobbing.  
"I know," Sam said. "I'll call you later, bye."  
"Bye," Annie said and hung up.

Sam met up with his dad in the parking lot before they walked back inside.  
"How's Dean today?" John asked when they walked out of the elevator.  
"Nothing has changed since yesterday," Sam answered. "But at least he isn't worse." Sam and John walked into the room and there was once again a nurse by Dean's side.  
"Could I talk to you?" the nurse asked John.  
"Sure," he answered and they left the room. Sam sat down in the chair by Dean. The nurse was probably talking to their dad about turning the respirator off, and when they were going to do that. Had Sam already had his last conversation with Dean?

Sam, who had been sleeping in the chair, woke up when his dad shut the door closed.  
"Dad?" Sam said and opened his eyes. In the doorway was his dad, and he didn't look happy. "What did they say?" he asked.  
"They asked when they should turn off the respirator," John said and sat down in the chair on the other side of Dean's bed.  
"And what did you say?"  
"No," his dad said. "Of course I said no." Sam was happy with his answer, but he knew that the nurse and doctor caring for Dean probably didn't agree. That was a problem for another day, today he would be happy that he and his dad were on the same side.  
"Son, you should get some sleep," John said. "Go back to the motel and I'll stay with Dean."  
"Okay," Sam said. He held Dean's hand for a moment and then went back to the motel.

When Sam closed the door to the motel room he started to cry. It just wasn't possible to keep the thoughts away anymore. He sank to the floor and rested against the door. What if Dean never woke up? What if he and their dad would someday agree to let Dean die? He couldn't decide what was worst, let him die or keep him alive but with no chance of ever wake up.

A month later Sam and John had decided to let Dean rest in peace. The doctors had reassured them again and again that they were making the right choice. But it sure hadn't been an easy decision to make. On Dean's last day Sam took his brother's hand in his and his dad did the same.

"Goodbye Dean," Sam whispered right before he died. Tears started to run down his cheeks, but he quickly wiped them off. To Sam his brother looked so peaceful, in a way he could just be sleeping and open his eyes any moment, but Sam knew that wasn't case.  
"Time of death…" Sam heard a nurse say, but he couldn't take it in, and John left the room. His big brother had just died, how was he ever going to deal with that?


	29. Chapter 29

John Winchester's journal

October 20th 2004

Dean died today. Our family has been ruined again. But we will be reunited! Sam will have his brother back. I made a deal with a crossroad demon, right after Dean passed, so that Dean will come back to us. The demon just had one condition: I have to take Dean's place. So I only have one year left to live. That's not a lot of time to live in a happy family.

October 21st 2004

Two hours after Dean died he came back. That was not something that the doctors could explain, but after running some tests and one night of observation they let us take him home. Dean has no memory of the day we killed Azazel and had no idea he died or was in a coma. Sam's happy he is back.

November 2nd 2004

Mary's been gone for 21 years today. It feels like a very long time, but I can still remember her laughter, smile and voice like it was yesterday. I just wish she got to be here with her sons, so we could be a family.

December 25th 2004

Dean's been back for a little more than two months now, and everything is just like it's supposed to be. Dean insists that we should get back to hunting. I promised myself that I wouldn't hunt after I killed Azazel and I don't want to spend my last year with hunting. But I told Dean that we could work one case before quitting for good. I want my boys to live the rest of their lives without hunting and start a family of their own.

January 24th 2005

Today was Dean's birthday. I can't believe we got to celebrate this birthday with him, and the fact that we do makes me and Sam very happy. Dean has already found his first case, so we're going over there tomorrow. We are at Annie's house right now, so we are actually pretty close.

March 4th 2005

We are on our fourth case now, so I guess it's a little more than the one I promised Dean. But as long as Sam and Dean are happy, I see no wrong with it. And they're getting better hunters every day.

April 7th 2005

I haven't told them that I only have until October, and then I'll be gone. But I won't ever tell them. If they ever find out about this it will be from this journal after I'm gone.

May 2nd 2005

We are staying with Annie and David this week, as it is Sam's birthday. Annie and David are so happy that they still have Dean alive, but they don't think going back to hunting is a good idea.

June 20th 2005

Sam told us today that he is reapplying to Stanford. That means that Sam will be safe when I'm gone, he won't go back to hunting and will get himself a good life. I worry about Dean. How do I stop him from hunting?

August 10th 2005

I suggested that Dean could study too. But he said no, just as I expected.

August 13th 2005

Today it was a year since we killed Azazel. It was a good thing, but it was also something that ruined our family. Dean was in a coma for months and I have a year with my sons. Mary and I pictured us being a family for decades. We had already talked about watching the boys grow up and someday have grandkids. It hurts that Mary never got to experience that, and now neither will I.

September 4th 2005

Sam has gone back to Stanford, and I don't think I will be ever able to see him again.

October 5th 2005

What will I do about Dean? I don't have a lot of time left and I don't know what to do. He isn't going to study, that's for sure. He seems kind of interested in getting a job, but more than anything he wants to be a hunter. I've called Annie and David, so they will try to talk with Dean as well. But I don't think he will listen.

October 19th 2005

Tomorrow I'll be gone. I've tried to do everything right with Sam and Dean, but I still feel like we didn't get enough time. And I worry about Dean, he isn't ready yet to hunt on his own. Besides, this is Dean and Sam's chance to get a normal life again.


	30. Chapter 30

Dean had just visited his brother at Stanford. Sam had been happy to be back and really wanted to finish his studies. But at the same time, Dean could see how much it hurt to be back. After all, it hadn't been that long since Jessica had died and he was alone here without me or dad. Dean left knowing that Sam would be fine on his own and that he would be back soon.

Dean opened the door to the motel and his dad wasn't there. Dean glanced at his watch and saw that it was midday, and realized that his dad had probably grabbed some lunch. On the other hand, his things were spread all over the room. That was unusual as he was very careful not to leave things like this, since it would look very strange if someone came in to clean the room.

What was even stranger, John's journal was open and fully visible where it was on the table. Dean looked at the date on the last entry and saw that it was yesterday.  
"Tomorrow I'll be gone," Dean read aloud. What the hell does he mean by that? Dean knew that he probably shouldn't read this and that his dad would be angry once he got back. Yet he couldn't resist reading it.

Feeling just like a kid, Dean turned to the first page and started to read it. Reading the first date, November 2nd 1983, felt surreal and sent chills down his spine. His dad's words to him that day rung in his ears: "Take your brother outside as fast as you can - don't look back." Reading those first pages made Dean admire his dad more. John wasn't the dad that abandoned his kids, he was the dad that loved his family more than anything and wanted his sons to be safe. Dean was surprised to find entries that was so old and that so many was about him and Sam. Dean knew that John had kept a journal for keeping track of his cases, and sure there were entries like that too, but he realized that it was also to keep track of them.

Dean continued to read and so many memories came back. He remembered that time when they run into him and it was so different to read it from his dad's perspective. He also read about the times John had come to Annie and David to visit them. Dean chuckled as he remembered the books about legends and monsters that he and his brother had got for Christmas.

Dean thought of Sam and decided to call him, not sure of how he would react.  
"Sammy," Dean said as Sam picked up.  
"Hi Dean," he said. "What's up?"  
"I found dad's journal," Dean answered. "And the entries go way back, the first one is from when mom died."  
"Oh," Sam said. Sam was quiet so Dean continued to tell his brother about what he had found.  
"Have you read everything?" Sam asked.  
"No, not yet," Dean answered. "I'll call you back"

Dean continued to read through the journal and he loved finding his and Sam's names. But he also liked reading of his dad's cases and he learned so much about being a hunter. It was so strange to see the dates moving closer to the present. Reading the part from one year ago was particularly hurtful since he could see how much it meant to his dad that they were a family again. When he read about the days when he was a coma and saw how much his dad cared about him his eyes started to tear up. He quickly wiped away the tears and turned the page.

As Dean read the last pages he realized that his dad wasn't going to come back and that his dad had given up his life for him. To Dean it felt like he was being stabbed with a knife, the amount of guilt he was feeling was enormous.

Dean cleaned up the room and put his dad's things in a bag, not to throw away, he was going to keep it. He then gathered his things and put the journal on top. He knew now that his dad didn't want to become a hunter, but what else was he going to do? He sure couldn't go to school like Sam, like his dad had wanted. Maybe he should go back to Annie and David, get a job and live a normal life to fulfill his dad's wishes.

Dean took a beer, sat down on the couch and took up his phone to dial Sam. It wasn't an easy call to make. He closed his eyes and thought of the conversation he was going to have. Sam had already lost so much: mom, Jess and now dad. Three beers in he had finally built up the courage to call his little brother.


	31. Chapter 31

It had been a week since Dean called him to tell him that their dad had died. This was the first time Sam realized how much his dad actually meant to him. Sure, he hadn't been the best dad, but he had showed him how much he cared about Sam and his brother. He knew that he still had Dean and Annie and David, but it still felt that he hardly had any family left.

Sam knew that Dean had taken it even harder than him, since the two of them had become really close. To Dean there was no doubt that John was his dad, but Sam felt closer to David who always had took care of them. Knowing how hard it was for Dean, Sam had to admit he was a bit worried about his big brother.

He had called Dean ten days ago, but he hadn't given him an answer about what he was doing. So, Sam tried again and hoped that Dean would answer.  
"Hello," Dean answered.  
"Hi, Dean," Sam said. "Are you still at the motel?"  
"No, I am at Annie´s," he answered.  
"And what are your plans?"  
"I'm working as a mechanic," Dean said. "Did you know that dad used to be a mechanic?"  
"No, I didn't know that," Sam said. "But that's great!"  
"Yeah," Dean said. "How is it at Stanford?"  
"Good," Sam said. Dean told him about his new job and he seemed so happy. Sam felt relieved as he heard Dean's stories, he would be okay.

The next few months Sam continued his studies. It went okay, but it was sometimes hard to be so close to Jess. He would hear from Dean once every two weeks or so. The last time he had talked to Dean, Dean had moved into his own apartment and liked his job as a mechanic. Sam was in these moments truly happy, because he knew that both of them would have good normal lives.

Sam had just left the library where he had been studying with a few friends when his phone vibrated in his pocket.  
"Hello," he said as he picked up.  
"Hello Sammy," Dean said. "I'm on my way over," he said.  
"Right," Sam said and laughed.  
"I'm serious Sammy," Dean said. "I'll be there in a few hours." Sam sighed, it was so typical of Dean to not call for a few weeks and then show up at your door step.  
"And I'm bringing someone," Dean said. Sam couldn't think of a single person that Dean would bring here, this late.  
"Dean are you drunk?" Sam asked. He had started to doubt that Dean was coming, even though it did sound like he was in the impala.  
"No," Dean said. "See you soon," he said and hung up.

Dean held his promise, because three hours later there was a knock on Sam's door.  
"Hey," Dean said and hugged him. By Dean's side was a girl. She had brown long hair and was smiling.  
"Hi, I'm Lisa," she said and shook his hand.  
"Hi," Sam said. "Nice to meet you!" Dean and Lisa followed Sam inside. Sam realized that it wasn't exactly tidy, but then again Dean hadn't given him a heads up.  
"Dean has told me quite a lot about you," Lisa said and put down on her bag on the floor next to the armchair.

When Lisa went to the bathroom Sam asked Dean what was going on.  
"What?" Dean said. "I can't visit my little brother?"  
"In the middle of the night?" Sam asked. "With some girl."  
"She isn't just some girl," Dean argued. "That's why I brought her here, so you could meet her."  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Sam asked. "And besides, did she also think this was a great idea?"  
"Not initially," Dean admitted. "But she came here, and that is what matters."  
"Right," Sam sighed. He couldn't believe what Dean had done, this was a new low even for him.

Lisa came out of the bathroom and Sam didn't know how much of the conversation she had heard. But to be honest, he didn't really care.  
"Really nice to meet you and all," Sam said. "But I have to be up early tomorrow, so I'm going to bed," he said and went to his bedroom.  
"On second thought," Sam said. "You can take the bedroom and I'll sleep on the couch." When Sam saw the big smile on Dean's face he eyed Dean and shook his head.  
"You don't have to do that," Lisa said. "Dean, tell him that it isn't necessary."  
"It's okay," Sam insisted. Sam took a pillow and blanket and fell asleep.


	32. Chapter 32

Dean was happy with his life. He had a girlfriend, who he shared an apartment with and was working as a mechanic. He missed his dad and the hunting life, he had to admit that, but he had to move on.

"Lisa, what did you think of Sam?" Dean asked as they sat down for dinner.  
"He was sweet," Lisa said. "And it was so nice of him to let us stay with such a short notice," she added and smiled.  
"Yeah, that's Sam," he said and chuckled. He thought of all the times Sam had done nice things to him, without asking for anything in return. Dean didn't think he deserved a brother like Sam, or a girlfriend like Lisa for that matter.

Dean took another bite of the chicken Lisa had made.  
"This was delicious," Dean said with his mouth still full of food.  
"I'm glad you liked it," she said. The delicious dinner reminded Dean of Annie. It had been a while since he and Sam had had dinner in their childhood home.  
"I was just thinking," Dean started. "Maybe we should visit Annie and David?"  
"Your parents?" Lisa asked. Dean remembered that he hadn't told Lisa anything about his family, except for Sam.  
"Something like that," Dean said. "They were like parents to me and Sam, but Annie is actually a relative that took care of us when mom died."  
"Oh, I'm so sorry," Lisa said and took Dean's hand.  
"It's okay, I was very young when she died," Dean said.

Dean couldn't help but tell Lisa everything about his family. Well almost everything, he didn't tell her anything about demons and monsters. When Dean and Lisa took care of the dishes Lisa asked when they were visiting his parents.  
"I'll call them tomorrow," he said with a smile on his face.  
"Great, I can't wait to meet them," Lisa said.

One week later, Dean came home from work early to go to Annie and David.  
"Hi honey," Lisa said when he came inside.  
"Hi," he said and kissed her. "I'll just take a shower," he said and showed her his oily hands. Dean was excited to go to his childhood home with Lisa, but it felt wrong that John wasn't going to be there. Dean felt guiltier than ever that his dad had sacrificed his life for him.

Dean drove up to the house win the impala with Lisa by his side.  
"What's wrong?" Lisa asked.  
"Nothing," Dean said. "Let's go inside," he said and smiled. She smiled back. They could both tell that neither of their smiles was genuine.

Annie opened the door and hugged Dean.  
"Great to have you home," she whispered in his ear. Annie hugged Lisa.  
"Nice to meet you," Annie said.  
"Nice to meet you too," Lisa said and smiled. They walked inside and hugged David as well.  
"Really nice to meet both of you," Lisa said. "You obviously mean a lot to Dean."

Dean held Lisa's hand as they walked around the house.  
"Here is my old bedroom," Dean said and opened the door. "And Sammy's," he said and pointed to the second bed.  
"You shared a room?" Lisa said and walked inside. "That's really sweet!"  
"Yeah," he said. "Could you imagine all the girls I brought home to my bedroom that I shared with my brother?" She laughed but guessed that there were probably quite a few girls he brought here, which she would rather not think about.

After the house tour, which involved photos and old clothes in Dean's wardrobe, Annie said that dinner was ready.  
"Let's go," Dean said and led Lisa to the living room. They sat down with Annie and David.  
"How old were Dean when they started living with you?" Lisa asked.  
"Four," Annie answered. "And Sam was six months."  
"Oh," Lisa said. She was surprised that they had been that young. She smiled at Annie.  
"But they were so sweet," Annie said. "I was happy to take care of them."  
"I see why," Lisa said and smiled at Dean. He smiled back.

Annie went into the kitchen when they were finished and brought back a pie.  
"That has always been Dean's favorite," David said. "At least for as long as I have been here."  
"Well, love me some pie," Dean said and took his first piece of pie.  
"Lisa what do you do for a living?" David asked.  
"I'm a nurse," Lisa said.  
"I used to be a nurse," Annie said. "Do you like it?"  
"Yeah I do," Lisa said. She continued to talk to Annie about being a nurse. They had so much to discuss and so many stories to tell each other. While Annie and Lisa talked about being a nurse, Dean took another piece of pie.

Later that evening when Lisa and Dean had just gone to bed Lisa told him what a great time she had had.  
"I'm glad you got along so well," Dean said and pulled Lisa closer to him. He meant what he had said, after all, what was more important than family.  
"It was really nice," Lisa said and kissed him. "Especially the photos." Dean laughed, it had been a mistake to show her all those pictures.  
"Goodnight," Dean said.  
"Goodnight," she whispered and kissed him. He put his arms tighter around her and closed his eyes.

Dean woke up in the middle of the night panting.  
"Dean?" Lisa mumbled. "Are you okay?"  
"Yes," Dean said. "It's nothing. Just fall asleep again, I'm sorry I woke you up."  
"No, you're not okay," she argued. "Not when this happens every night."  
"Really, it's okay," Dean said. "I've had nightmares since I was a kid." It was true, he had had nightmares ever since his mom had died, but it had also gotten worse since their dad died. But he couldn't tell Lisa.  
"You would tell me if I could help you somehow, right?"  
"Of course," he said. He kissed her forehead. "Go back to sleep now."


End file.
